quick thought

I bet that White Castle burgers were made by accident, ... by a midget

Try New Things

What if the human brain was actually very delicious and tasted like barbecue pork roast, and we would never know...

This is why I want to be buried instead of cremated; because I still haven't ruled out the possibility of a zombie apocalypse.

Old School Game

If I was the one who hired new doctors at the hospital, I'd be sure not to hire any doctor who sucked at the game Operation as a kid, because you never know when a fat clown might show up for surgery, needing his wishbone and stomach butterflies removed.

An Education Rant

Sometimes I wish more people would study harder in school, actually learn the material and increase their knowledge, instead of trying to squeeze by with a C-,

I also wish those people could write legibly and sit right in front of me in Algebra class.

Forgotten Memory #10

I used to love to play hide-and-seek as a kid, but not as much as my dad.

My dad would always play surprise hide-and-seek. That's where instead of counting to 10, we would hide when we heard the siren.
The only rules were to find a good hiding spot for yourself and also for the zip-lock bags of flour, then Dad would invite all the police to play too;
you had to be real quiet or else you'd lose.

I guess some people never lose that child-like innocence

Dream-Catchers:

For people who want to chase after their dreams, but are too lazy to run.

New Years Resolutions

This new year I have made a resolution to be a more trustworthy friend.
I have not always been the most truthful person, so this year I want to show my friends that they can believe what I say, confide in me when they have deep secrets, and trust me when I tell them that what they're eating is a burrito and not coffee grounds and trash rolled in a flour tortilla with lettuce on the outside to hide all the sand I packed in there.

"man it doesn't smell bad, must be your imagination, I just picked it up from taco bell, . . . Trust me."

Guy with a Dot on His Head

The other day I saw one of those Indian guys with a red dot on his forehead, so I stopped to ask him about his religion and culture.

All he told me was that he wan't Indian and then the sniper behind me pulled the trigger and blew the guys head off.

I guess Indians will do anything to get out of a conversation about religion...

Vest's Purpose Revieled

I think vests are just for people with hairy arms.

For instance,

"hey man, this jacket has sleeves, I have hairy arms, now my arms will be double warmed.

I now have a disproportionate heat ratio across the surface of my body. Sombody get this man a vest STAT!"

quick thought

For a blind person, Bubble Wrap is poppable literature.

Still Thinking

If I was a Bedbug, every motel would be a Bed & Breakfast.

another quick thought

I'd rather be a dolphin trainer than a dog trainer, because it's easier to blame a pool accident on the dolphin than it is to blame wetting your pants on the dog

What To Do With All That Change

I have a jar back home full of change; quarters, nickels, dimes, and pennies, but I dont plan on ever taking them to a coinstar.

I'm gonna melt them down and make bullets out of them, so that if I ever rob a bank and I'm about to shoot the place up, I can be like, "Ive got a deposit to make, SUCKAS!"